If you haven't heard--I have breast cancer! Officially diagnosed on July 5th, I've been through 3 rounds of AC chemo and will have my 4th and final of AC this Thursday. Then I have 4 rounds of Taxol, and am hoping to have the fourth and final on October 25th. I have more scans and a meeting with my surgeon in late October, and then surgery (type TBD) in November. After that there are years of hormone therapy, which is pretty overwhelming. It's actually all very overwhelming, so right now I'm just focusing on getting through chemo.
I have had so many friend and family reach out by calling, texting, emailing, visiting, and sending packages and gifts. Sometimes I can reply and respond and say thank you, and sometimes I am deep in my chemo hopelessness. Please know that I love you and it means the world to me to have you think of me. I've resurrected the old blog because I've realized I need a place where I can update family and friends. I'm hoping that if you know more of what is going on, I can respond and not be overwhelmed by having to explain how I'm feeling, or where I am in the process. So let's start with a quick overview of chemo.
Chemo is completely miserable. I know my pattern by now and its some kind of variation of this:
Thursday: Arrive at the hospital at 8:30am. Get my blood pressure checked and blood drawn. Meet with doctor at 9:00am to go over any concern or problems with side effects from the last round (always). Chemo is scheduled to begin at 11:00am but we usually get in around noon. Nurse starts an IV in my hand and draws blood for a few research studies (my Dr is doing one to develop at blood test that can detect breast cancer). Then another nurse comes in and they check all my medications together. I usually receive 3 anti-nausea drugs, steroids, and my chemo (Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide). The whole process takes a few hours, and then we go home. I can physically feel a wave of sickness and heaviness wash over me, and it is there to stay for about a week. We adjusted my nausea drugs last round, but the prior two rounds I was very nauseous and miserable all Thursday night until I went to sleep. Last time was better and I think I might have watched a movie. I'm just trying to survive until I get more nausea meds and can go to sleep.
Friday: Again, last time was much better and I just felt tired. I think I watched 4 movies and actually got up, showered, got dressed, and laid on my bed for the whole day. This is monumental! The first two times I was so sick I couldn't move, and the thought of reading, watching anything, talking to anyone, or eating much of anything was crazy. Friday afternoon I get my Neulasta shot. This medicine increases my white blood cell count, which boosts my immune system.
Saturday and Sunday: I'm out. Neulasta makes me feel like I got hit by a truck and then someone took a baseball bat to my back. I feel terrible but am getting my appetite back. I love comfort foods and lots of soup and rolls at this point. I'm still super weak and getting dressed is monumental. I can barely walk from my room to the couch.
Monday: My body isn't in intense pain anymore, but my IV nausea drugs have run out, Jordan is back to work, and I still feel completely terrible. This is one of the hardest days for me emotionally. I feel hopeless and nauseous and miserable. I try to sleep in just so the day goes by faster
Tuesday-Friday: Some variation of Monday. Usually by the middle of the week I'm feeling better at night, but sleeping in and feeling good at night means I have a hard time going to sleep. I'm still not feeling like myself, and if you text me during this time I'll still have a hard time responding. Visitors who somehow force themselves into my house can usually perk me up. I try to get outside and walk at least a block or two.
Saturday: I better be feeling back to normal, and if I'm not I still force myself to do something.
Sunday-Wednesday: My shot at having a normal life. I'll try to catch up with people and get out and do things, and gear up for the next round. Wednesday night I always go through my house and throw away and organize. My little chemo nesting ritual. :)
I hope this lets you in on a little of what has been going on for me for the past 6 weeks. Right now I'm feeling good and peppy and positive. Thursday is hopefully my last really hard chemo and it's hard because I know exactly what's coming.
I want to reiterate how thankful I am for everyone who has reached out. Thank you. If I haven't reached out or responded to you, I'm sorry. Please know I love you and am so so grateful.
Please keep texting me, writing me, emailing me. I read everything even if I can't respond.
I'm hoping to have Jordan/sisters/parents help me continue to update this blog. In the meantime, enjoy 12 years of blog archives! :)
12 comments:
Love you, Ruth! I love this throwback to blogspot and knowing what is going on with you! Thank you for taking the time and energy to write this up! You are my hero!
Oh Ruth. So many emotions. Love you so so so much and I'm so glad I can see you this week. Wish I could stay for a month. And I'm happy to do updates this week/end!
Hi Ruth! This is Marianne Prignano, I live in Elise’s neighborhood and met you at the park one day. You made a lasting impression on me and I loved you instantly! ❤️ I am praying for you, thinking about you and rooting you on ❤️❤️
Hi Ruth! Just want you to know that Michael and I are praying for you, Jordan, and your beautiful babies. We are so sorry that you are going through this, but hope you can feel how much love is coming to you from so many people. God bless you with healing and HOPE! Love from Las Vegas - Brooke and Mike Gray❤️❤️❤️❤️
Love you so much! And I love the blogged update! You're a superstar!
Hey ol friend, Recently I’ve had a few patients who are going through variations of cancer treatments. I see the reality you speak of here and I feel deeply for you and your family as you go through all of this. Though I don’t understand fully why Heavenly Father let’s His children go through such pain in this life, both physically and emotionally, the thought that keeps coming to me is how we come a little more like the Savior as we experience “a piece” of the suffering He went through for us. We’re praying for you to feel the peace, comfort and strength you need to get through to the next day.
Thank you for sharing! I'm not sure if you have had mouth sores from chemo, but my brother-in-law's sister just finished her last round of chemo for breast cancer and said she had a specialist tell her that fasting beforehand helps. She said that it's hard to fast on the day that you have the best appetite and taste buds, but it helped her not get mouth sores at all. Sorry for the unsolicited advice but I thought I should share in the small chance it might help you in any way.
I am so moved by you and your example of faith and strength. Cancer really sucks. But you are strong and can beat it. When those dark clouds hang over you, remember that you have touched many lives with your kind smile and we are thinking of you and praying for you. Lots of love to you and your family.
Ruth!!! Alexi here. I’ve been wanting to message you simply just to tell you how much we care and how much we are rooting for you, but I didn't want to bother you. Dumb of me!!! I’m glad we can be updated through here. Spencer and I fasted for you. I think about you randomly throughout the week. Especially how I just hope you’re doing okay. This is hard. So hard. I admire your candidness. Anyways, I really REALLY hope the next round of chemo isn’t as taxing as the last. Lots of love and well wishes.
P.S. From your most recent post on insta, I was like dang, her skin is so tan and beautiful!!! This is true. Love ya Ruth!!
My heart is with you. I hope this blog helps ease some of the strain of repetitive communication. Love you!
Yay! The blog is back! This is perfect. I always want you to know of my thoughts and prayers for you. I would be texting you everyday. But do not want you to feel pressure to enter respond. So getting to comment on the updates is wonderful.
I love you! You are a great fighter.
Oh, Ruth. I am sorry this is so heavy! Thank you for sharing your documentation and your feelings. I hope you feel strengthened by fasting, daily thoughts, and prayers. You are enduring. All my love!
Thank you for updating us with how you are doing and feeling. Your diagnosis cane as such a shock to me. When I found our at church, I went home and cried. I’m not sure why it has affected me so much, but I think of you everyday and pray for you and your family each night. You are an inspiration!!! Love you tons!!—Audra
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